Aya recently came to live at Sufti's home, but seems reticent to interact. The mission: to communicate with both dogs not only to get a feel for their individual personalities and characteristics, but to see how Sufti feels about Aya joining her for some outdoor activities. I wasn't sure how to approach this two-ended conversation, so I began with Sufti. The moment I first connected with Sufti and asked if she (wasn't sure about the gender, but she felt more feminine) wanted to talk, she started vocalizing with quick breathing and a little sound in a very excited, forceful way. I didn't feel aggression, but her very focused desire to get to me/check me out/start talking could be translated as intense, overwhelming, and even a little scary if you didn't know what her intentions were. I can see where a visitor might simply want to run in the opposite direction! When I ran these impressions by Sufti, she seemed a little puzzled, as to her, her personality seemed just right. "I'm just curious" she explained. "I want to get right into the action and see what's going on," she said. "I don't want to miss out on any of the fun." "Sufti, what do you think of Aya?" I asked. "The redhead? Is she staying? That could be fun. She'll need to loosen up if she wants to hang around. I'm a 'take life by the horns' sort. Sufti seems to miss a whole level of subtleties due to her enthusiasm and laser-focused nature. She skips right over the little details that might help her more fully understand a situation. For example, she doesn't connect the dots between Aya's hesitancy to interact with her and the fact that Sufti throws a lot of energy at each interaction. If she stopped to notice the cause and effect, she might be able to modify her response and get a better result. In this case, it's to make Aya (or any visitor) more comfortable and at ease. But Sufti just barrels right into the situation with full enthusiasm and then wonders why the other person or animal isn't reacting with that same enthusiasm. There is no awareness that it is something she is doing to cause that reaction! Even as I write this, she is "hearing" what I am saying, but the concept is not sinking in with her. She still wonders, "What? Am I doing something wrong? I thought everything was going great." I didn't really want to have a big discussion about this or even become the "teacher" here. But I also didn't want Sufti to think she was doing something wrong. So I said, "Sufti, you didn't do anything wrong. Everyone has a different personality and those personalities don't always mesh. Some are very outgoing and full of energy and others need things to be calmer and slower. I haven't really met Aya yet, but I sense she is someone who might appreciate calmer and slower. So if you get a reaction from her that feels like she is shrinking from you, it may be because your enthusiasm is a bit much for her." To this, she vocalized as she had done initially, very focused, gave a quick bark as she was looking past me to someone else, and said enthusiastically, "Let's try it!" She wanted to see the reaction herself, now that she was aware of the effect. I suggested, "How about instead of seeing how your enthusiasm and energy will affect someone, you try out how a calmer approach will do that." "Okay. I'm ready," she said. She was still very enthusiastic and intense about this challenge, but trying to get a handle on it. She consciously got down on her belly so she wouldn't feel so overwhelming. Her head and ears were still perked up on high alert and her enthusiasm was palpable. I sat there for a few moments longer, trying to just infuse some more calm into the air, visualizing everything just a few notches calmer. This seemed to help Sufti and it felt better to me, too. AyaI turned to Aya, waiting in the wings. She was visibly (but not overly) nervous. She was unsure what was going to happen, so licked her lips, fidgeted, and looked at me in between averting her eyes. "Hi Aya, why are you on edge now?" I asked calmly. I could see her thinking about this, but some sort of panic quickly set in and hijacked her rational thinking. "It's a runaway process," she said. She meant: the feeling just takes over on its own. "Where does it come from?" I asked, wondering if she knew the source. "Years of abuse," was the immediate answer. Except it didn't seem to be physical abuse. It was emotional. I get a feeling of high energy, anger, sudden outbursts. It didn't even seem like it was directed at Aya, just that she was in a situation that left her always on edge, not knowing what would happen next or when — and wondering if she was the cause. "Aya, I think your past is behind you and you are starting a new life where that old stuff doesn't have to be here," I explained. "What do you think of hanging out with Sufti? She seems interested in being your friend." "She's a lot," replied Aya. "Why is she in my face so much?" She says this as she recoils from a memory of Sufti enthusiastically checking her out. "It's just her personality," I explained. "She doesn't mean any harm, she just doesn't realize that not everyone appreciates that kind of energy." As I said this, I quickly checked in with Sufti and she was still patiently waiting on her belly. Very curious, but doing really well with curbing her energy. So I pointed this out to Aya. Aya observed the situation. It seemed like the two dogs, while very different in personality, could actually become friends and be each other's teachers. As they get accustomed to the other's personality, they would each move toward the center, meeting in the middle. Sufti could learn to observe the other's energy and moderate her own to accommodate and Aya could learn to be comfortable with a little more energy. It would need to be a gradual process, but I can see it working and both dogs seemed open to it. "Do you guys want to try this?" I asked them both at once. Sufti replied instantly with a bark, got up, and was back in her original intense mode, taken over by her own enthusiasm. Aya was also about to answer "Okay," but was silenced by Sufti's response. She looked at me a little nervously as if to say, "See? What am I supposed to do?" "It's a first step, Aya. Change doesn't usually happen in any instant. But I think Sufti wants to try." "And so do I," said Aya. She didn't feel scared, just unsure of what will happen next. Sufti didn't feel aggressive or threatening, just enthusiastically friendly in her own way. Sufti sat back down and kept her distance and the two dogs just kind of looked at each other for a while, each from a much differently perspective and approach. I backed away out of the scene so as not to disturb the moment. Maybe it's a fresh start? EpilogueSoon after this conversation, Aya actually seemed interested in walking outdoors with Sufti — and she did! Big breakthrough!
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AuthorMy name is Josh and I'm a learning animal communicator, hoping that sharing my journey will help others. Categories
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February 2020
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