I've been DYING to talk to someone about astral physics and multi-dimensional time travel. But the humans think all I can understand is eating and playing! Maybe they're not as deep as I thought they were. Maybe they aren't the superior species and we dogs ARE! I think I know what the cat would say. Whoa. I think I've just blown my mind. I need my ball and a tasty bone. If you want to leave a comment and don't see the form, click the title or word "comments" above!
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Shhh. Still talking to the cat. She really got me thinking! Like, she said, "Do you ever wonder why the house smells so good at dinner time, but the food I get doesn't smell like that?" Or, "Can you really trust people who ply you with baby talk and treats and then suddenly you find yourself in a BATH! The deception!" And what about "When they yell and yell and yell when you poop on the carpet — like they can't stand the yummy smell you created — and then they sneak around behind you on walks and collect the stuff! It's a double standard!"
Yep, that cat really has me questioning everything. Am I living in a parallel universe? Are my people just aliens from another planet? Why am I here? Why are we all here? Is this the reality or the dream? And most importantly, can I really trust the cat?
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Okay, don't tell anyone. I'm taking lessons from a cat. She said I'm doing this human communication thing all wrong. She said to ignore all the rules and do what cats do: whatever they want! But I was doing whatever I wanted before the class and it wasn't working, I said. So she explained. Lots of people will tell you what to do based on what works for them. But what works for them doesn't work for everyone. She said I have to find what works for me, to walk my own path. I really understood what she was saying when she gave the example of when her people tell her not to sleep on the kitchen table (her favorite place!) — and she does it anyway. Why give up her favorite place when it is working for her so well? And sleeping in a box (on the floor!) isn't anywhere near as fun. Is she going to give up the chance to have command views of the rest of the house? Is she going to give up the fun of leaving permanent scratch marks on real wood? Is she going to give up the amusing people reactions when they find genuine cat hair ("this stuff's like gold") in their food? No way! Hmmm. She listens to all the input, then picks and chooses what she wants. It's worth trying. Ooh! I hear my person telling me to get off the couch. Gotta go! Guess I'll try the cat's way another time. If you want to leave a comment and don't see the form, click the title or word "comments" above!
OMD!* You won't believe what I just heard from the cat down the street. Remember that class on human communication I was taking? Well, it finished and I still don't feel like I'm getting it. But the cat says at least half the class already signed up for Level 2! What am I doing wrong? I've done all the homework perfectly! Okay, almost perfectly. Okay, I may have done a few things differently than the teacher said. But it couldn't make that much of a difference, could it? Like when she said don't attempt communication right when your human gets home from work — let them get situated first. Well, I just KNOW they don't want to wait that long — they want to kiss and hug me and rub my belly and do baby talk and let me lick them and watch me dance around and wag my tail RIGHT AWAY! And then there's the thing about "calling in protection" before communicating. What?!? If I call in that tough bull terrier next door, there will be so much barking and excitement, I'll never get a word in. How is that communicating? It works best for me when I have my people all to myself. With all that love, why would we need protection anyway? Oh yeah, and there's also that thing the teacher said about keeping a journal of everything that did work so you can look back and see that you've actually had lots of success. Here are some of my entries from last week: Monday Me: "Food? Belly rub? Cheese?" Person: Pats me on the head. Tuesday Me: "Treats? Walk? Cheese?" Person: Gave me a bath. Wednesday Me: "Snacks? Play? Cheese?" Person: Kept staring at something that sounded deliciously like "my bone." But I think they said "iPhone." Thursday Me: "Ball? Back scratch? Cheese?" Person: Started some kind of argument with the rest of the family about a "bad" smell in the room. I got the feeling they were blaming something on me. I thought everything smelled great. I did get to play and walk and have a belly rub last week, but not when I asked for them. Is there some kind of delay the teacher forgot to tell us about? Boy, I wish I had some cheese. *oh my dog If you want to leave a comment and don't see the form, click the title or word "comments" above!
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AuthorMy name is Bilbo. I'm a Beagle. Ever since I was young, while my siblings and friends romped with each other, I would always be off spending time with the humans. Last year, I finally decided I'm going to learn to talk to them! This is my journal. Archives
January 2020
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